just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
