Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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