I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
barbara walters just said penis...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
