Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
