(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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