But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
