Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
