Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
So vagazzling was a success
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
