The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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