no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
