Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(407): View more from Florida

Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?

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(678): View more from Georgia

This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.

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(816): View more from Missouri

Absence makes the cock grow harder.

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.

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(410): View more from Maryland

YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.

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(207): View more from Maine

you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit

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(619): View more from California

Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...

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(803): View more from South Carolina

My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.

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