She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
