im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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