please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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