I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
