all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
