Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
