I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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