I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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