Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
