I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
