Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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