Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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