I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
