He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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