Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
