guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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