When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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