Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
