adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
