I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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