you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
BRING THE BAGELS
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
