sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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