Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
