just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
