I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
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Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
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We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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