He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
