just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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