So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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