i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
She announced her abortion via fbk
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
