Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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