i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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