is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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