Pass out mid-funnel last night.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
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The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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