I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize