So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
