ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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