His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
