we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
