Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
