Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
