Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
The uberlube is also flammable
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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