please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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