I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
