If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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