My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I wear drunk well.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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