So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
