She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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