ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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