i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
