party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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