im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
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He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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