like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
