her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
