Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
