Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
