i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
