It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I understand Curling. That high.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
