I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
