i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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