i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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